I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
