do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
