It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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