That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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