dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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