Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
