You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
