There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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