I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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