We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
50% drunk capacity currently
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
