I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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