I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
