I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
