I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
