theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
