dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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