$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's paper in my vomit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
