we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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