This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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