Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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