i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
