Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
