So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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