New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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