There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
