I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
