i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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