1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
