We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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