sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think your dad took our porno
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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