While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
