He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
