Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
