He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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