i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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