Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
