Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
