I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
