I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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