How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
