I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
