just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
