I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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