Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
