Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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