you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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