Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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