i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
