I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
