When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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