I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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